# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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