if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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