Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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