i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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