I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
