omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize