One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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