Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
