There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
