my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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