i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
