I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize