last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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