It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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