at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
