how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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