you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
