Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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