2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
