the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
