they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
