can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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