You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
