Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
