I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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