I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
