I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my poor anus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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