I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
