You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
