Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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