he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
