She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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