I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
