I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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