you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
