The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize