hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
