So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
