There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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