They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
