oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
