I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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