One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
