You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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