I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
