Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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