woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
