i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
