What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
