come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
