I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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