I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
