My hair reeks of homosexuality.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
