Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
