once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
