Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
