this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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