I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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