Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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