My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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