i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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