i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
