Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
