I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well you can't waste a boner
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
