I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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