I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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