Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
