sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
