well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The best revenge is premature balding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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